Sounds like an awakening:)) When heart and soul no longer align to what we always thought was our purpose; our truth. You are trying to find yourself (mothership) but you have changed. Which is "the why" you cannot find your way back, "she's long gone." It's a forward journey and learning how to trust that your heart knows the way. Be gentle with yourself. Try listening to your intuition, 6th sense — it's always rooting for you. Trying to route you. I try to find quiet time for just me, myself and I to listen❤️